The Messy Bedroom: Should parents insist that bedrooms be clean?
Questions & Answers
"Our fifteen-year-old daughter's bedroom is a disaster area. We have asked her repeatedly to clean her room at least once a week, but she insists that it's her room and she has a right to keep it a mess if she wants to. We know we shouldn't fight battles over insignificant issues, but she doesn't have that many responsibilities around the house. Is keeping her bedroom clean too much to ask? What do you think?"
You are correct that failure to keep a clean bedroom doesn't rank high on our list of problem teen behaviors. Still, you do have the right to expect your daughter to maintain her living quarters up to the housekeeping standards that you have established for your home. Next time she asserts that the room is hers, you might remind her that you are the one who pays the mortgage, lights, fire insurance, heating and air conditioning and so forth. The room is on loan to her until the day when she is emancipated, at which time it reverts back to you and gets turned into an office. Meanwhile, she is responsible to take care of this space and make sure it comes back to you in good condition.
There's no need to engage in a power struggle over this issue. This is not the hill you want to die on. There is, however, a tried-and-tested strategy used by some parents that may solve the problem without serious conflict.
Simply tell your daughter that if she doesn't keep her room clean according to the standards that you have set (and be specific and reasonable about those standards) then you will be happy to do it for her. If—on the particular day of the week that you have mutually agreed upon—the room is not clean, then you'll gladly go into her bedroom and put everything in order, including her dresser drawers, the shelves in her closet, her cabinets, desk drawers and any other place where she might store personal items. The room will then be clean and you will be happy.
Don't worry. You won't have to do this more than once. What you are doing is forcing your daughter to choose that which is most important to her: privacy or a messy room? If your daughter is normal (and it sounds like she is), she'll choose privacy by a landslide.
To learn more or if you have any questions go to: http://www.understandingyourteenager.com/