Teen Privacy: Should parents inspect their teen's bedroom?

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By Wayne Rice

"Do parents have a right to search their teenager's room? I believe I do—but my 14-year-old daughter insists that her room is off-limits to me and that she has a right to her privacy. In her view, I can't even enter her room without permission, let alone conduct a search. Who's right on this issue?"

First of all, assuming you are the owner of your house (which most likely includes your daughter's bedroom), you absolutely do have the right to every square inch of it. It belongs to you, not her.

However your daughter is correct when she says that she has a right to her privacy. That's a basic human right that should be respected by everyone, including parents. But she also needs to understand that rights come with responsibilities. If she thinks she can do whatever she wants in her bedroom, she is mistaken.

For example, every person in the United States has a right to privacy in their own homes unless their home is being used for selling drugs, building bombs or conducting other illegal activities. Some neighborhoods have restrictions that prevent private homes from being used as a commercial business. Others prohibit certain kinds of noise or have standards regarding yard maintenance, garbage collection and so on. In exchange for the right to privacy, we usually have to accept certain responsibilities that go with it.

Likewise, there are house rules that don't stop at your daughter's bedroom door. She is required to abide by them. If she does, there will be no reason to search her room.

As a rule of thumb, parents should respect their teenager's privacy and resist the urge to go snooping through their stuff. A search motivated by mere curiosity will do nothing but undermine trust and communication. If your daughter has given you no real reason to be suspicious, then it's best to give her and her possessions the same respect that you would expect from her. The more respect you give your children, the more respectfully they will behave.

On the other hand, if your daughter has been lying to you consistently, breaking curfew, skipping school, or otherwise engaging in behavior that is harmful to herself or to others—then you not only have the right to search her room, but the responsibility to do so. That's something that even a teenager can understand.

What if you search and find nothing? Then your daughter probably deserves a confession and an apology. Trust, after all, works both ways.

To learn more or if you have any questions go to: http://www.understandingyourteenager.com/